Dopes

I was barely to my office door yesterday morning when one of my coworkers asked, “Do you have drugs in your office?”

How are you supposed to respond to that? Especially when you’re fairly certain they are not talking about aspirin.

The type of “conversation” also concerned me because it was said right outside a banquet room that was in use. It could have been heard by our guests. Because of this, I brought it up at lunch. Demon Spawn seemed to agree with me that it wasn’t proper conversation.

Speaking of which, she continued the conversation with discussion of her own past drug use and how much weed she use to smoke. She spoke as if this were the first time she had ever shared this information. Believe me, I didn’t need a confession to know she was a dope head.

She said that no one knew how much she smoked, not even our boss. Okay, maybe our boss. Not even her ex-husbands knew how much dope she smoked. Expect for maybe that one ex who grew some in the front of their trailer when she was “white trash” in Arizona.

She’s also commented frequently how much she wished marijuana was legalized because she would be smoking it all the time then.

Did I mention that she’s back together with the guy who fathered a child with another woman he was seeing while he was seeing her? Have I ever mentioned that he’s a prominent figure in the community?

But back to the drugs. The drug-filled day did not end there. Later I was in the kitchen pouring a cup of coffee and I mentioned that I doubted it would wake me up. Remember the guy who asked about the drugs? Well, he informed me that crack cocaine would wake me up.

Call me a prude but all of this drug talk is not normal conversation from where I come from. It does seem, however, normal for everyone else. You could tell them it’s not normal and that you don’t care for that kind of conversation but not only do they not get it, they do not care.

So, what is one supposed to do?

I was perusing the Lipstick Chronicles blog today and one of my favorite bloggers, Elaine Viets, ran with a recent AOL headline about bad coworkers. I've had so many, I couldn't help but respond. But one in particular makes the others seem like best buddies by comparison. Some of these you may have heard before but they're worth the repeat.

A coworker fondly referred to here as Demon Spawn - or DS for short - has shown me her fake boobs, not by my request, while I was taking pictures of her for a newsletter ... on two different occasions! I've also seen her Victoria's Secret panties. Through no choice of my own. She was going to show my a bruise on her leg which turned out to be her upper thigh as she kept lifting her skirt higher and higher.

***

One day we were at lunch and I was preparing to take notes from DS on how to handle a particular situation. DS: Are you done with your lunch? Me: I better be. I ate more than I intended.

DS: You know, you’re the only employee I’ve seen use more than one plate for their lunch.

I panned my salad plate and meal plate and then assessed the TWO meal plates in front of DS AND a salad plate.

DS: Oh, well, with the exception of today of course … I normally don’t do this … ***

One of the more notable acts of demoness came when I had to take a half day off from work because my cat died. The very next day DS cornered me in our Main Dining Room and proceeded to lecture me about my lack of work ethic and how I was single-handedly going to destroy the Club.

***

Our board of directors meets once a month. Apparently, I stole the demon's catch-phrase. I got this e-mail from her: Sonja, would you mind not saying "thank you Mr. President" when you are introduced this evening. As you know that is what I have said since Istarted going to the board meetings and I would really like to keep it as myresponse only? Please? Thank you.

Seriously.

Lack of Motivation

For the last several weeks, perhaps months, I have severely lacked motivation. Things I have not had the motivation to do include:

• Work
• Vacuuming
• Ironing
• Blogging
• Reading
• Watering plants
• Movement

Physically and mentally I have had little desire to do anything. Is it a sign of depression and if so, what do I have to be depressed about?

I went through a similar "phase" just more than four years ago but it predominantly involved my job at that time and medications I was on. While there are certain aspects of my job that really hinder my ability to get motivated, I don't think that is the underlying trigger - if there even is an underlying trigger.

That said, why am I blogging now? Exercise. Yep. For whatever reason, I finally signed up at a smaller, more intimate gym in town and have been going to kickboxing, Pilate's, etc. type classes. Perhaps that is triggering the chemicals in my brain in a brighter direction. I certainly hope so because I have a lot to do. The ironing has gotten out of control. Seriously. I have clothes hanging, thrown, piling in places clothes - clean or dirty - probably shouldn't be. Regardless, I think the exercising is helping with my attitude.

But back to the lack of motivation. Where is it coming from? As I said, I don't think it's the underlying trigger but I do think work has much to do with it. No one here seems to care about their job, appearance, professionalism, etc., and as a result, I believe it's beginning to affect me. The harder I try to care, the harder everyone else resists. So, what's the point? Besides, no matter how hard I work, the less I seem to accomplish. Of course, staring out the window isn't accomplishing much either. Nor is blogging.

***

Demon Spawn update - still a Demon Spawn. Her antics are tired, aggravating and annoying. When most people complimented me on the blouse I wore today she immediately snipped, "Girlfriend, your safety pin is showing!" as if it was a tragedy. Caught off guard as always, all I could say was "Yes, it is." Had I been quick on my feet, I would have said "I'd rather people see my safety pin than my boobs." Plus, she is no girlfriend of mine.

Other updates - I heard an announcer on XM the other day ponder who would replace Michael Jackson? Um ... sorry ... you don't replace people. Positions and possessions, maybe, but not people. Other Michael musings ... "Thriller" was the first album I ever bought with my own money and I still have it. TRUTH ALERT! Okay, my money and my younger sister's! My favorite MJ song is "Man in the Mirror." Up until his immediate death, I had a ban on all things Michael Jackson just for the sake of his being creepy. I remember playing MJ on the radio and I remember listening to his tunes (early 90s) when I was sunbathing instead of in class at UGA.

Let's go back to XM a minute. Long-time blog followers may have noticed that I did not dub it the "God-given XM Satellite Radio" and there's a good reason for that. Ever since XM's merger with Sirius, it's obvious there is no god.

Why is Lady GaGa's music so entrancing?

Do you think there is a market in Amarillo for someone to offer professional writing services including ghost writing, resumes, grants, advertorial copy, etc.?

Do you Facebook? If not, stay away. That's the one thing I don't even need motivation to participate in. Between the polls, catching up with old friends and family and the fact that it's an excellent way to kill a day, it's devastatingly addictive. Avoid it at all costs. Twitter, on the other hand, seems quite lame outside of promoting my employer.

That's enough blogging for one day, don't you think? If you're good, I'll have a slide show and some stories tomorrow about a trip the King and I took last weekend.

By the way, despite the bad reviews, the new Transformers movie had an outrageously great weekend. The King and I saw it at Tascosa Drive-In Friday night - the same place we saw the first movie. Believe the reviews. The movie was not enjoyable. Too much of everything. Bleh.

Some People ...

If someone honked at you last week, it was most likely me. It was most likely because I didn't like how you were driving.

First though, let's begin with a page out of the Demon Spawn Chronicles.

I have this really cool gray blouse but I really don't have anything that goes with it.  I also have a pair of purple slacks.  Nothing really goes with those either.  But I like them both.  I've had the pants for a very long time and have worn them on various occasions, mainly with a pink/mauve colored top.  For the second time since getting the gray blouse, though, I wore the combination and matched it all up with some very attractive jewelry, compliments of my King.

Throughout the course of the day, I had two meetings, both with friends.  The first friend, upon seeing me, complimented me on the blouse and earrings.

Second friend, same thing.

Then, this afternoon, I had to see the Demon Spawn for something and before I could get in her office, she smirked and asked if my pants were purple.  After saying yes, I got the up-and-down look of dismay and I just replied how much I liked my purple pants and that's all that mattered.

I use to feel sorry for DS because really, it's a pity someone's life is so pathetic that when they look at you, they immediately go for what they find wrong.  What I find wrong is having to put up with her crap for this long.

Then there are the people who drive.  I almost got killed by two different idiots last week.  The first one was a person using a center turn lane to merge.  The turn lane is not for people entering the roadway.  Rather, it's for people exiting the roadway.  Obviously, no one in Amarillo got that memo.  Worse yet, she got in the turn lane and stayed there, despite the clear opportunity and open road next to her.  I had to slam on my brakes to keep from rear-ending her as I properly entered the turn lane.  Since she wouldn't move, I gave the horn a honk to encourage her along. She didn't really like that.  She slammed on her brakes several times.  One more time lady and I'll hit you.  I even gestured an invitation for her to take me on.  Surely, this is how I will die one day.  Luckily, it was not that day as she chickened out.

Let's not forget another brilliant specimen from an obviously shallow gene pool who realized at the last minute he wanted in my lane but there was a car directly in front of me and one directly behind me with very little wiggle room.  I tried my best to slow down to let him ease in but traffic was too congested to make this happen as fast as he wanted.  Whose fault was it? Mine, of course.  He made some gestures and slammed on his brakes several times in an attempt to get me to hit him.  I played cat and mouse with him on the interstate.  We're both lucky to still be alive.  He's luck I didn't have PMS.  Otherwise, there would be one chewed up mouse!

Then there's American Idol.  The judges had their picks last week and they put this girl named Megan through.  There were people with much better vocals.  Sadly, Simon had it bad in the pants for her and that's the only reason this girl got through.  It ain't right! 

Did you watch The Batchelor last week?  That ain't right either.  What about how The Biggest Loser pulled  "To Be Continued ..." instead of voting some folks off the ranch?  Not right!  What about the outrageous cost of living?  Even more wrong than that is people who don't pull their weight - work or no work!

There's a lot more that ain't right, but I've whined enough for one blog posting!

The Idiot Obviously Has a High IQ

A couple of

weeks ago an egocentric, over-the-top tree hugger appeared on Wife Swap in one ऑफ़ the most bizzare voyages I've ever taken on television. During this particular episode, Stephen Fowler bragged about his high IQ (158), and perhaps, rightfully so.

You may notice that my fabulous cousin commented below that the video link I posted was no longer working.

A quick trip back to YouTube searching "Stephen Fowler" + "Wife Swap" (which is important because there's a Stephen Fowler making his way through the ranks on American Idol) yielded this result:

No videos found for “Stephen Fowler + Wife Swap”.

Apparently, the parent company that produces this addictive program is claiming copyright infringement:

This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by rdfusa.

Do you think Fowler had anything to do with this?

For lack of time, I am not pursuing other videos that may exist out there. However, I will share with you a few interesting, related links:

http://clayperry.blogspot.com/2009/02/stephen-fowler-on-wife-swap.html

http://realityrollcall.com/index.php/2009/01/31/wife-swaps-stephen-fowler-threatens-to-sue-reality-roll-call/

http://loraleeslooneytunes.com/2009/01/31/stephen-fowler-from-wife-swap/

http://blog.stephenfowlersucks.com/

Okay, I could be here all day - but it's time for lunch. Want more? GOOGLE!

There's a New Terrorist in Town and His Name is Stephen Fowler

I watch Wife Swap because it's one of those shows that really makes me feel good about myself and the life I enjoy. Through the years, the show has exposed the King and I to some terribly odd cretins out there and it's scary to know these people walk amongst us - could even be our neighbors.

As disturbed as some of these episodes and the families they feature have left me, none have hit a nerve with me the way the latest episode has. We have a Britain native to thank for this. He's on our soil, enjoying a lifestyle he probably couldn't back home and is basically, in plain Midwestern terms, a malodorous turd.

Experience Stephen Fowler for yourself. This is just a short blip.This doesn't even illustrate what he said about Midwesterners, let alone Americans, or some of the other horrifying things he said to this poor woman. Perhaps the most appalling part of this whole story is that his American-born wife isn't proud to be American. Why are these people allowed to live here? Dump them in the middle of the ocean and I bet the sharks would find them distasteful too.

Then, there are the kids. The madness will continue. I recommend immediate sterilization.

Puffs Plus with Lotion vs. Kleenex Lotion Tissue

Considering that it's been more than a month since I last posted, I'm sure some of you are disappointed with the title of today's blog entry. Don't be. This is such an important tISSUE that I felt so compelled to get off my lazy butt and actually blog about it.

First, we must establish that I am an authority on this subject. You see, I grew up in a household where both my parents smoked with no concern for the effects it could have on their children. This particular child always choked up in the presence of smoke. Mother thought it was funny to blow the smoke in my face. Father would use the lock windows feature on the car so I couldn't get a breath of fresh air in edge wise.

What does all of this have to do with facial tissue? Stick with me!

Because of my parents' filthy, disgusting habit, I always held my breath. To this day, I still have to remind myself to breath. It wasn't until I went off to college that I could actually breath clean air. It was wonderful and joyous. It was also miserable. By my senior year of college, I started having problems with runny noses, post nasal drainage and all that fun stuff - I finally knew what everyone was talking about when they said they had allergies. Yay for me! I was in the "in" crowd now.

Unfortunately, my allergies have progressively worsened through the years. I was getting allergy shots when I lived in Georgia and they helped a good deal. Let me tell you, Georgia allergens are a walk in the park compared to all the crap that blows through the Texas Panhandle. Not only am I getting an allergy injection in each arm every week, I also take Allegra, Singulair and Flonase to help keep my nose under control. I also bought a netti pot ... actually, it's just a bottle with a taco neck and spout of sorts that you use to flush the invading allergens from your nostrils. Good fun.

Now, to the point ... Have you ever met me in person? Have you ever seen me without a tissue in hand? Chances are, not only have you seen me with tissue in hand, you've probably seen me walk around in a cloud of tissues. I can't get enough of them. I'm always dripping, sneezing, or blowing something truly disturbing from my nostrils and tissue is instrumental in the process.

For several years, though, all the tissue use resulted in a red, irritated snout. Then, one day - hallelujah - Puffs introduced Puffs Plus with Lotion. God bless them. They were soft, gentle and lotion-y. Life was good. If I would've been smart, Puffs Plus stock would have been purchased in abundance. Even in all this nose joy, I couldn't believe that the makers of Kleenex didn't come up with this brilliant idea first.

I'm not sure how long its been since Puffs Plus debuted, but I know I've been using them for at least two years. Then, late last year, along comes the Kleenex corporation with their own spin on the lovable lotion idea. Here's what it says on the bottom of their lotion tissue box:

Redefining what it means to soothe.

Welcome to the next generation of lotion tissues - more soothing than ever!

Soft and soothing, with a delightful touch of moisturizing lotion. Ahhh!

It feels good to feel.

How nice. Can you count how many times they used a version of "soothe" in the description? Is that the best they could do? And are these tissues the best they could do? You see, while the Kleenex rendition is soft to the touch of your fingers - it's really not that soothing to the nose - not when you compare it to the Puffs brand. To make matters worse, the Kleenex tissues are nowhere near as durable as the Puffs tissues.

So, if you suffer from allergies or are just experiencing the crud that's been going around, may I suggest that you treat your nose nicely with a fresh box of Puffs Plus with Lotion? You NOSE you want to!

*This is NOT a paid advertisement - just merely an expression of my abundant experience with both brands.

DD Day

2008 has been a really busy year.  I thought by working my butt off and trying my best to get along with others, good things would come my way.  My life has constantly proved the lyrics of some song that say something to the effect of "You Don't Always Get What You Want" to be disturbingly accurate.

So what was it I wanted?  Respect in the workplace?  Sure!  A raise based on superb job performance?  No doubt!  An opportunity to see Duran Duran in concert one last time?  You betchya.

• Workplace - misery loves company
• Raise - keep her down because she might want to eventually run this whole place and steal all our jobs.
• Duran Duran - Woman, you're almost 40 years old, meaning they're even older than you.  What did you expect?  That one last chance to cast a spell on Simon LeBon so he would fall in love with you?  Heck yeah, that's what I expected.

Instead, the keyboardist got a nasty inner ear infection and the first three nights of their American tour were canceled - with the third one being Tulsa - Yeppers - the one I had tickets to. No biggie.  Besides, who would want to make the 5 or so hour jaunt with one of thier coolest girlfreinds just to see a bunch of old farts perform?

Oh ... me, yes me.  I wanted to.  I was really looking forward to the "girl time" with someone who has similar interests as I do who wasn't my husband.  But no, the concert got cancelled and girl time and Duran Duran and me on top of Simon LeBon just didn't happen.

There were murmurs that the shows may be rescheduled.  Just checked my in box and no such luck.  They are working on the refunding process.  I guess I should be happy because I declared at the last Duran Duran concert I attended "never again, I'm getting too old for this shit."  Well, apparently they are too.

I also should be happy because I really, really, really needed to be at work those two days even though the boss said I could use some comp time - something I typically just don't do - but this was Duran Duran after all.  Plus, I should be happy that I'm getting my money back at a time where dollars are tight to begin with.  So there, HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY I am.

I WANT MY MOMMY!  Of course, she'd just tell me to stop with the stupid sobbing and grow up.  Growing up is overrated, though, don't you think?

My Space vs. Facebook

A few years ago I was "pressured" into joining MySpace just because all my coworkers seemed to be on it.  But it was too confusing to me with all the different layouts and various elements you could add.

This past week, however, my cousin invited me to join Facebook and sadly, I must admit, I'm addicted.  The layout and features are clean and easy to understand.  The ability to comment and share pictures is easy.  It is fun.  I love it.

Do you belong to either of these groups?  Do you have a preference and if so, why?

Happy & Sad

The happy report is that the King's brother, known as BOY, and his wife, known as BREAD, gave birth last night to their first loaf. I have a niece and six nephews on my side but this is the King's first full-blooded nephew. Congratulations to Boy & Bread!

The sad is two-fold. First, one of our friends and beloved Cat Sitter lost her precious cat of 15 years a week ago. Like us, she has no children, so this was her child. I understand how she must feel right now.

Tonight, the King and I ate tuna to honor the memory of Inge, aka Fat Ass, Big Butt, Butter Butt, etc., who passed away a year ago today. I still miss her. She was the worst best cat I've ever had.